That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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