piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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