I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize