..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
