i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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