Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
