Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize