so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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