I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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