I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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