i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
