hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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