OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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