he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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