I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
