Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
