none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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