Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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