when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
