I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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