Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
