got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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