Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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