You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This toilet bowl is my home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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