Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
