she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
