We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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