I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
