hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
