You're so nebulous sometimes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
