you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
