If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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