8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someoneās about to die or youāre being a hoe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
