before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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