They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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