that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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