If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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