The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
