I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
