Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
