im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
