Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
