He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
