Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
