Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize