It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
