I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love black thongs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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