His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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