R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is not my ceiling
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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