Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Come on in and take your pants off
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