Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
worst night to have a conscience
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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