Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
