I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
