I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize