dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
