There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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