4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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