I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
