i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize