I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
