her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
