I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
