i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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