How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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