he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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