Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
