How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
